MAWAGE IS WOT BWINGS US TOGETHA TODAY

Okay, from the headline, I am sure that you are going to think that this post will be a little nuts (unless you haven’t watched “The Princess Bride” – and if you haven’t, please go watch it and come back to this blog later). However, this is all about a subject that people often think about, particularly in the Jewish community: mawage… I mean, marriage, not to mention relationships.

We have come to that point in time where the people around me are looking for their partners, finding their partners or actually walking down the aisle. There is a range of diversity to these couples, from those who compliment each other perfectly and are ridiculously in love to those who are together, but you’re not exactly sure why they are. There are plenty of shades of gray in between too, as every couple is different and comes together – not to mention stays together – due to different reasons or circumstances.

No matter what, when it comes to dating and relationships, I feel that I am a source of pretty solid advice. Although this may be a food blog, I realize that it’s important you have someone to share your food with. So today, I am going to share some of my worldly wisdom regarding the institute of love:

1) For those who are dating or wanting to date, you will be getting nowhere if you don’t first take care of yourself. You’ve got to love you before someone else will. Likewise, please resolve as many of your personal issues before you get involved with someone. Even though we all bring baggage into relationships, travelling lighter is always preferred.

2) Reina’s first rule of dating: No mommy/daddy issues. If you are dating someone who has serious issues with his parent of the opposite gender, it is a huge red flag. It will translate in how that person treats you over the course of your relationship. For example, if a guy is a serious mama’s boy, he will always give her preferential treatment over his girl. If he has been battling with his mother, it may pass on some misogynistic tendencies. Best solution? Find a partner who treats their parents with respect, but not reverence.

3) Have standards about who you want to date, as you deserve to date someone who is not a psychopath or has the dreaded mommy issues. However, too many standards equals unhappiness in the dating world. Prince/Princess Charming is dead. No one is perfect, or will match up identical to you. I met a singles’ columnist once who told a story about she was dating this guy, but he liked baseball and she didn’t, so it would never work. As far as I know, she is still single.

4) Be upfront about your dating expectations. I have a friend who is not ready to have a committed relationship, and tells girls who he dates that he is dating to have fun. The girl gets to decide, since he’s been so honest, whether or not she wants to pursue things. I give him props, because that leads to the next rule…

5) Be honest with each other. Don’t lie about your profession, your background, etc., because if you’re looking for a relationship, it leads to certain doom. That said, you don’t have to tell each other everything, but you should be straightforward. Don’t play games with people.

6) Please do not be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. It just builds resentment.

7) Don’t just date someone because they look good or they have a ton of money. As the current economy could tell you, money disappears. Looks fade. There needs to be something substantial underneath all that to back it up.

8) When it comes to picking a partner, ladies, find a man who is more into you than you are into him. Originally, I thought this was not good advice. But I can tell you for a fact that when a guy is more into you, it makes things a lot easier in the course of a relationship – less risk of cheating, more romance, more balance. I believe in gender equality, but love does not operate on such technicalities.

9) You cannot change the person that you are dating or in a relationship with. This is not Pygmalion, folks. They are who they are. If you don’t like it, then do yourself (and that person) a favor and move on.

10) Good communication. That is all that needs to be said for this one.

11) Fighting properly sometimes means knowing when to fight over things. Some things are just not worth the tension in the relationship. I’ve heard couples fight about the dumbest things you can possibly think of. Sometimes, you’ve got to put away your pride and think about what’s going to hurt more. There are exceptions to this rule, such as talking about finances, kids, etc.

12) If you are looking to marry the person you are with, it’s time to have “the talk.” You need to lay out your expectations about how your relationship is going to be, like when it’s time to have kids, where you want to live, how you want to handle your finances, school, religion, dreams, sex etc. I have known couples to walk down the aisle and haven’t had these conversations, and it’s a huge mistake – one that you might pay for dearly in the end.

13) Immediately after getting engaged, please go find a premarital course to take. Invest not only in your wedding day, but in all the days of your life together.

14) Last, but certainly not least, find time at least once a week to do some form of date night. This being Young, Broke and Kosher, it doesn't have to be expensive. Make sandwiches and have a picnic in the park (once the weather gets better), go enjoy a cup of coffee with some conversation or go get a bite to eat from a restaurant. Just because you're married doesn't mean you stop courting your beloved. It means court more!

Take this advice and do with it what you will. But I have been around the block a couple of times and can tell you for a fact that I know what I am talking about. There's no recipe for the day, but may I suggest an ingredient you should start cooking with, and that's GARLIC. The rabbis actually encourage Jews to eat garlic, particularly on a Friday night, as it's supposed to be an aphrodisiac. So please experiment and try garlic in your dishes if you don't use it already!