Desperation

Being unemployed, I have found a tense feeling in the way things are going down with money. When the credit card bills come in, there is a slight shiver in my body. I think of my savings account, and I think of the lives of Ari and I in the next couple of months. What if there is a time where we have to live on the streets because we can’t afford our rent? What if neither of us find work for a long time? Will anyone help us?

Meanwhile, I continue to go on job interviews. But yesterday’s job interview was a controversial one. There has been debate as to whether I should take it if it is offered to me (and there is a chance that it might be). Ari is operating on survival skills, which means taking anything. For me, I’m trying to consider the long and short-term benefits and consequences of taking one job versus another.

The question is, of course, is how long do we go before we give up everything that makes us who we are in order to survive? Yes, a person needs to eat, but the sacrifices that you make to put food in your mouth can cost you dearly in the long run. The threshold is different for each person, and I’m not quite at mine where I am willing to do absolutely anything to make a buck. There are certain things that I don’t want to sacrifice.

It reminds me of Freud, talking of the id, the ego and the superego. The id, our primal instincts and the like, are the most primary functions in our brains. The superego talks about our morals, our values and critical nature, not to mention the way they shape our lives. The id and the superego are both parts of the ego itself, where we make our judgment calls and is more organized and rational.

We have all these elements in our consciousness, but the truth is that we are really tested when it comes to the id, ego and superego when things become bad. We can stand high on our principles easily when things are fine, when money comes easily and situations aren’t as serious. But when push comes to shove, that’s when we show our true colors. What do we really believe? Do we seriously practice what we preach? Do our actions speak louder than the words we say?

It’s one of those many choices we make, and many times we have to pay for the consequences of them (this sounds familiar….). But the question is how do we respond to desperation and whether we compromise ourselves. I could have easily forgone being kosher due to these desperate times – after all, unkosher meat is cheap, and it’s available right down the street! But I refuse, even in poverty, to exchange who I am.

Perhaps it’s letting my superego get the best of me. But I’m okay with that. After all, “If I am not for myself, who will be there for me?”

And so, in honor of my (crazy?) self, I am posting a recipe for my family’s traditional meatballs, albundegas and kufeteekas (and for those who recognize the name albondigas, they are also the name of Mexican meatballs). One is cooked in vinegar, while the other is in tomato sauce. Either way, both are good. And Ari loves the words.

ALbundegas and KuftEekas

1 pound ground beef (see quick tip 1)

2 slices whole wheat bread (see quick tip 2)

1 egg

½ cup matzo meal

Salt and pepper

½ cup white vinegar (for abundegas)

¼ cup dried or fresh parsley (for kuftekas)

1 small can tomato sauce (for kuftekas)

Mix the ground beef, bread, egg, matzo meal, salt and pepper. If making kuftekas, add the parsley as well.

Heat one inch of water with either the vinegar or tomato sauce to a boil. Lower to medium heat. Form the meat mixture into balls and drop in. Simmer until they are cooked through.

Quick Tip 1: This recipe is also good for ground turkey. Personally, I don’t like it as much with the turkey, but it’s your call here.

Quick Tip 2: My mother uses whole wheat bread because she says it adds body to the meatballs. However, if you have plain old white bread or challah, the world won’t end if you use it.