Seventy-two years ago – at least according to my great aunt Esther – my grandmother woke up in the morning and was about to elope. Within that one day, Esther arranged everything so that Regina Abrevaya could marry Joseph Amira without running away, and then have them go on to their honeymoon to Washington, D.C.
They would look at each other with love in their eyes as their picture was taken while they were away – the closest thing that they had to a wedding photograph. In the next 66 years, they would have two children, a large and loving extended family and a commitment to their Sephardic community.
They didn’t have everything: My grandfather worked three jobs to try to keep the family afloat. My grandmother didn’t always have everything she wanted. They never were able to own a home and were never able to drop a ton of money at the drop of a hat. Up until the 1960s, they didn’t have much money to spare.
Despite all this, my grandparents had love for one another. They loved each other and enjoyed each other as best as they could. When I was a teenager, I found Viagra in their apartment. At that age, I thought it was gross. As I got older and got married, I realized it was almost a miracle that my grandparents still desired each other enough to have sex into their 80s.
It is true, they struggled together, but they found that they fought together, cried together and were a united front together. The determination to survive on top of the love in their marriage set them apart and solidified their relationship. I only realize it now that I face a similar struggle with my husband. We cannot afford to go out for Valentine’s Day. Tonight, we’ll be celebrating with a special dinner, as we won’t be able to celebrate after this, as we have a busy weekend in store for us.
In the face of the difficult times, there is still love. We find a way to have intimate conversations, laughter and joy along with the tears that may flow. Sure, we don’t have a lot of money, but the truth is that most couples struggle at the beginning, no matter who they are. Those who don’t are few and far between or lying, and by struggle I mean everything from fighting to dealing with money.
I think about all the wonderful couples that I know who have just gotten engaged. Yes, there is love, but be prepared for a fight. Relationships are a tricky thing no matter how much cash is in your pocket or how much you love each other. Couples are meant to be a united front against the world and all its difficulties. We are supposed to be part of a team to face the difficulties of this earth. We fight together, we love together, and we come together to face the problems. We create the circle to defend ourselves from the forces that try to bring us down. You should always have each other’s back in this. It’s harder than you think.
So, as Valentine’s Day approaches, I wish you the love that my grandparents had – a love so strong that it was able to take on the world. It kept a family together, inspired children and adults alike, and faced the darkness with a candle so bright that not even Hashem himself could blow it out.
In honor of this, this is Nony’s pink rice recipe. It seems like there are a lot of red rice recipes, but only Nony gets the pink. The thing that makes it so different is the crunch. In fact, my sister tells the story that one time, my family was running late to my grandmother’s due to the fact my mom and I were arguing. When we walked in the door, in a typical Nony fashion she said, “Don’t worry. The rice is nice and crispy.” Very rarely have such comforting words been said.
NONY’S PINK RICE
1 cup rice
1 small can tomato sauce
2 tablespoons oil
Salt to taste
Bring 2 cups of water to a boil over a high heat. Add the salt, oil and tomato sauce. Bring them back to a boil and add the rice.
Stir and cover. Lower the heat to the lowest possible level. Allow to sit for 20-30 minutes. If you want the crunchy part that my sister and I would fight over, you can either raise the heat a little and let it get crunchy, or put it in a baking pan and bake to allow it to get toasty.
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