Words, Words, Words

I am a big fan of words. Probably any writer or editor would tell you that they are, too. There are so many great ones out there, and they roll off your tongue, dance along your lips or, in my case, flow out of my fingertips. They feel so natural.

There are a variety of words that are fabulous just for the sound or for the meaning, but it doesn’t matter what they are. The truth of the matter is that words are amazing – and yes, even the ones that are considered bad. There are really no such things as bad words, but rather the way that they are used are horrible.

Yesterday, I attended an event through Young Leadership Division of Orange County, which was co-sponsored by the group that I am affiliated with, Hands of Ahava. The discussion was regarding the power of words, and how they affect the people around us. The beautiful Shoshanna, who I have talked about on this blog before (read the article here), addressed the crowd regarding abuse and the statistics associated with them in Orange County. She mentioned that, along with words’ power to heal, they can hurt quicker.

“Well, what about ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me?’” asked a person in the crowd.

“That is one of the biggest lies around,” Shoshanna replied. “Words stay with us.”

There is no going around the bush on that one. The fact of the matter is, throughout the taunts of yesteryear, despite the time that separates us from the words that wounded, you still can’t take them away. Our bodies seem to cling to the words that we hear and the diatribes against us. It does it so much that there are theories that they can cause us to spiral down into anything from weight gain to drug and alcohol addiction.

I can still hear those words that have been said to me over the years. They haunt me, particularly in this period of unemployment:

“You’re the worst writer I’ve ever seen, and the only reason you haven’t been fired is because of me.”

“You need to go back to journalism school to learn to write.”

“You’re delusional.” Or, "You're an idiot."

“Brat.”

I am haunted by these words. I can’t understand why some people love to hurt us with their words. Sometimes, if I’m being attacked, I have a hard time holding back mine, and I hurt others. I don’t mean to. It just happens.

So the challenge that we have is to try not to do this to others. We have to see how our words can hurt people, how we damage people sometimes in order to make us feel like the bigger person -- or even sometimes when it's done unintentionally, in our own grief or misery, when we take out our feelings on others.

Meanwhile, we try to put ourselves back together. It’s like what we did yesterday – rip a piece of paper into little tiny pieces and try to expect us to put it back together again. It doesn't look the same, but we try to put ourselves back together so we can function beyond what is said about us. It’s the toughest thing in the world, to go forward when people try to bring you down, simply because of their insecurities. But it is something we must do. It's a thing we must face.

As Shoshanna said at the end of her presentation, “Words are the most powerful weapons. They are more lethal than any knife.” So my hope for you, YBKers, is that you take your words and use them to create something good rather than make them tear people apart.

Here is a recipe I made for yesterday's event. It's good, but I recommend eating it hot -- as in, right away.

LEMON PARMESAN TORTELLINI

1 12-ounce package freeze-dried tortellini

2 tablespoons salt

1 lemon

4-5 cloves garlic

2 tablespoons olive oil

1/4 cup parmesan cheese

Boil water in a large pot. Zest the lemon and then slice. Meanwhile, mince the garlic.

Once the water is boiled, add the slices of lemon and the salt. Add the tortellini and cook according to package directions. Drain.

Add the olive oil, garlic and parmesan. If needing extra lemon flavor, add some more of the lemon zest to the past. Serve immediately.