In the Hands of Love: Shoshanna's tale

Last night, I met a girl by the name of Shoshanna. She was an incredibly stylish 20-something, in a lovely dress and the perfect high heels, her long curly hair draping her shoulders. If you were walking down the street, you would just see a beautiful girl and walk on.

But then came the truth: Shoshanna, this lovely girl, was a victim of domestic abuse. At the age of 19, she got engaged to a man who hurt her, isolated her from her family and friends and took away her dignity. Eventually, she had to escape – leaving Southern California in order to get away from her abuser.

The thing that made it scarier? Shoshanna was set up with her abuser by a rabbi. The rabbi’s wife was good friends with the abuser. The abuser was an observant man, yamulke and all. What made it even scarier was that at one point that she talked to a religious rabbi about it. His response? If the woman was a good wife/girlfriend, then the abuse wouldn’t happen -- which, for anyone who is familiar with domestic abuse, knows is total bulls**t (sorry, nobetter word here).

The truth is that domestic abuse doesn’t have a dividing line. It’s in every community, even if we don’t see it. There isn’t just physical abuse – there is psychological abuse, verbal abuse and sexual abuse. It’s in every color, creed, sexual identity and gender. And yes, for the record, men can be victims of abuse just as much as women can. The ramifications of this abuse can last a lifetime, and even reverberate into other generations. I know this to be true – I will not go into detail, but a diseased leg of my family tree has been exposed to the horror of sexual abuse, and I see it lingering in the children.

We ask ourselves, “Why don’t they just leave?” Shoshanna can attest to the reason why – because it’s deadly. Her abuser stalked her and desperately tried to find her after she left. She said that recent statistics indicate that women who leave abusive relationships are at tremendous risk for being killed.

Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for herself, Shoshanna founded Hands of Ahava in Orange County (for those who don’t know, “Ahava” means “Love” in Hebrew). Their mission is to provide crisis intervention, shelter, emotional support, medical care and counseling for victims. The goal is to help them break free of abusive situations.

In addition to the crisis intervention, Hands of Ahava would like to encourage education regarding abuse at schools and community organizations. They started this last night at a screening of the movie “Sin by Silence,” about women in prison for killing their abusers, as they felt there was no other way out of their hell.

I met Brenda, an amazing lady who founded a support group when she was in prison for killing her abusive husband. It was for women who were abused, called Convicted Women Against Abuse. About two years ago, she was allowed a retrial and her conviction was overturned. Despite the horrible things she went through, she has a positive attitude. I just had to hug her afterwards, and she was very happy I did. “They didn’t allow hugging in prison,” she said.

I was so glad to meet and get to know Shoshanna and Hands of Ahava. Shoshanna is like her name – she a beautiful flower that blooms in our Jewish community, but with strong weapon of a powerful voice against a horrible thing. She encourages us to talk about what goes on behind closed doors, to not be afraid of the concept of domestic abuse, and not let us think, “Oh, it can’t happen to us.” The truth is that yes, it can and it does. We are not immune. We must stand up and fight back.

In honor of the lovely Shoshanna, I dedicate this appetizer for her. It’s Pesto Pinwheels, which were featured at a recent Shabbat dinner. They are oh-so-delicious, and I hope she enjoys them.

PESTO PINWHEELS

1 sheet of frozen puff pastry (see Quick Tip 1)

For the Pesto:

2 cups fresh basil

4 cloves garlic

1 1/3 cups olive oil

1/2 cup walnuts (see Quick Tip 3)

Salt and pepper

½ cup parmesan cheese (optional for dairy)

Take out the puff pastry to defrost. It takes about 40 minutes on the counter, but if you need more time, stick it your fridge.

In a blender, combine the basil, garlic and nuts. Stop the blender occasionally to make sure that everything is being chopped together. Once that is completed, while pulsing, add the olive oil slowly until smooth. Pour into a bowl, add the cheese and mix. Set aside.

Meanwhile, roll out the sheet of puff pastry on top of a cookie sheet. Spread the pesto on top evenly. Roll the sheet together and wrap in plastic wrap and put in the freezer for at least 30 minutes. This will make them easier to slice. Meanwhile, clean the baking sheet and grease it slightly. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

Take out of the freezer, unwrap and slice into ¼ to ½ inch slices and place on the sheet. Cook for 15-20 minutes, until the pastry is golden brown and puffy.

Quick Tip 1: Puff pastry is sold in any market. You can actually get pareve brands as well.

Quick Tip 2: If you don’t want to make your own pesto, you can always pick up some jarred.

Quick Tip 3: Traditionally, pine nuts are used in pesto sauce. However, since they are more expensive, I choose walnuts. The flavor is just as good.