Starting to be O-U P

There is a famous quote from a hero radio program from back in the 1930s, called The Shadow, about a vigilante superhero with psychic powers. It goes, “Who knows what evils lurk in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!”

Well, when it comes to that quote, I revise it when it comes to Passover. It goes: “Who knows what evils lurk in the kitchen? Reina knows!”

Today, I stared at my kitchen, wondering if it was really ready for the major overhaul that is Passover. There’s hametz all over the place. I love hametz – delicious bread, herbs with seeds in them, rice, beans, soy products, corn, peas – the works, ya know. I may be Sephardic, but unfortunately I’m from an area where we also had regulations on what is referred to as kitniyot. In fact, the only reason why we have these regulations is in Europe in the 1800s, everything was milled together, so you couldn’t tell the difference between grains and rice and beans. So the rabbis took everything away. Thanks a lot, guys.

For those of you who aren’t Jewish and reading this, you would not begin to understand what type of struggle we face when you take out all these things out of your diet. Think of almost every single food and drink that’s currently out on the market, and tell me I can’t eat it. Why? Well, because almost all of it contains high fructose corn syrup, rice or a bean product.

On top of it, there’s matzah – the famous cracker that makes my stomach want to yell at me for putting inside of it and I get constipated just thinking about. When I was growing up, there was a girl who lived up the street from us and when she came over, all she wanted to eat was matzah, saying that it tasted so good. I still think to this day that she had to have been certifiably insane.

Mind you, there are some things I do look forward to when it comes to Passover. I love spending time with my family and eating all the wonderful Sephardic foods that my mother will one day teach me how to make for Passover – like squash and spinach frittada, novias – delicious leek burgers that are so tasty that one year Lucy, our family dog, ate about half the batch, and binuelos, a little matzah fritter that is very good with my mom’s homemade syrup.

But truthfully, all I can think about is finishing up the holiday so I can get back to normal, and be able to eat like a normal human being. And not cleaning like my life depended on it. That would also be great.

In the meantime, I will be developing my gameplan for the holiday so I can clean successfully while not losing my head. But don’t expect this to be my last posting on the holiday.

So, to get you guys in the mood for Passover, there is this special treat. First is my mom’s recipe for matzah bark, possibly the only way I like my matzah (other than matzah pizza, of course). Second, I love Foamy the Squirrel, and this happens to be my favorite cartoon they’ve done, all about matzah. Enjoy!

MATZAH BARK

Approximately 5 matzot

1 stick butter

1 cup dark brown sugar

8 oz. chocolate chips

Chopped walnuts or slivered almonds

Line a cookie sheet with foil. Spread the matzah on top. Meanwhile, melt the butter with the brown sugar in a frying pan. Once the sugar is dissolved, pour it over the matzah and put in a 400 degree oven for 7 minutes.

Once the caramel has spread out, take it out of the oven and pour the chocolate chips over the matzah. The heat should melt the chocolate. Spread with a knife or spatula and top with the nuts.

Put in the freezer to cool for half an hour. Once completely cooled, take out and break apart. The pieces should break completely without bending. If they do bend, put back in the freezer for 5-10 minutes.